November 28

According to police, a man masturbated outside a Miami supermarket last Saturday afternoon.

CBS Miami reports when an elderly man told him to stop – he did – long enough to punch him in the face.

Kerry Dewane Vandergriff, 39, is accused of being drunk in a parking lot – pulling his pants down – and indulging himself so everyone can see. The Miami Herald reports that an elderly man ran into Vandergriff, but it didn’t go well.

According to police, Vandergrieff got angry and started punching him, cutting the side of his face.

A local news station reports that officers arrived and arrested Wandergrieff, who police said had bloodshot eyes and was unable to walk upright – slurred words and spewed alcohol. The cops took him to the district hospital, where, according to CBS Miami, he again began – you guessed it – to take matters into their own hands. This time it happened in a corridor in front of police and medical staff, the station said.

When that was over, he was jailed and charged with a battery pack on a man 65 years of age or older, indiscriminate drunkenness and … obscene exposure.

The Miami Herald reports that Jacksonville-based Vandergrieff had a birthday on Sunday. It is unclear how he could have celebrated behind bars.

Every Day is Florida Man Day:

June 5
August 29
November 20

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